Social Media Junkie

Yesterday my Twitter list was full discussion with Jack Ward (Sonic Society) about the good vs bad of online relationships. I am a staunch advocate for the idea that you can become intimate, caring and close friends with someone you only communicate through the medium of the internet with. Jack, on the other hand, doesn’t believe that’s healthy or 100% true.

It seems I’ve been defending my social skills my whole life.

Social Skills

I was homeschooled from kindergarten to high school and the number one whine I’ve heard (and had to defend against) but what about her social development?

I never suffered a social problem in my life. I had friends my own age, friends who were old and friends who were much younger. I had a weekly youth group I went to, plus (with my dad being a pastor) I was always around the folks from our church and we had fellowships of other churches where I did kids olympics and Bible quizzing with.

So I’m a huge advocate of bashing the idea that homeschool kids can’t have socialization.

Now that I’m an adult, I have another advocacy to lead the charge again. This time I’m a huge advocate for bashing the idea that people online can’t have meaningful socialization.

Background

Let’s get a few things clear. I’m 27.

I started online when I was 16. It was the early days with AOL. We had a 14K modem dial-up and took a book a long with me while I waited for AOL to start and pages to load.

But I was hooked.

I had been a Sherlockian since age 9, and instantly found a group of Sherlockians online. Shortly after that I launched an email newsletter (one of the first of it’s kind) with news and updates about Sherlock Holmes from around the world. By the end of my senior year I had over 500 subscribers.

I also discovered bulletin boards (where I met a bunch of people, one of whom pretened to be a cat) and an amazing Sherlockian, Les Klinger (who has since gone on to author the most recent annotated Sherlock Holmes series). Shortly after I started email corresponding Les, I wanted to meet him. He lived in West Hollywood, I was in East Los Angeles. With my parents I went to his house and had the most amazing afternoon talking Sherlock Holmes).

I was 17, he was in his late 40’s. We’ve corresponded several time since then but drifted apart. As with most of my face-to-face friends from that time.

Then I hit college. Between my best friend and I we knew everyone on campus. We were in the middle of most events and doing media and technology. We had a T1 cable line in our dorm rooms, I had a new computer my parents bought me and I become even more social in real life and onine.  I even would IM my roommate while we were working on papers in the same room.

During this time I became a part of a forum for Kevin Max (a musician formerly with the Christian mega-group dcTalk). I made friends through there and eventually all of us wanted to meet in real life. Kevin had a concert in Nashville my senior year of college and a bunch of people from the forums were going – and I wanted to go to. So I did, I met about 20 people I had been ‘online’ friends with for about a year and a half. And we hit it off like we’d known each other face to face. One of them was a teenage girl I had ‘adopted’ as a little sister. She had been struggling with various forms of depression (as a lot of teenagers do) which really boiled down to her self-worth. When we met it for the first time she gave me the tightest hug you’d ever have and she was glued to me the rest of the night.

I had made a difference in her life. Only through text. Her stepdad (who had came with her) thanked me over and over again for the changes he had seen because I told her how much she meant and the value she had as a person. Because I was there and cared.

Would it have been nice to be able to hug her when she was sad? Of course. Would it have been nice to take her out for ice cream as a reward for working so hard in school? Yes! But she was 2,000 miles away.

And yet, I touched her life. And she touched mine.

Shortly after that I met my friend Nichole – we’ve been super close for over 5 years now. We’ve had our ups and down like any friendship, but we’re two people who know each other inside out. In fact, yesterday when I was lost I called her up to figure out where I needed to go!

I’m not saying that to brag. Honestly it still boggles my mind the difference you can make in someone’s life without ever meeting them.

When my sister came to live with me awhile back, it took all the money I had to fly her up (it’s a long involved story). My ‘online’ friends pitched in money to help pay for our groceries and her birthday presents. People who didn’t even know her and people I never met. Some people I still haven’t met.

When I moved into my latest apartment online friends bought me housewarming gifts! I’ve gotten birthday and Christmas cards from around the world because of online friends.

Now.

Fast forward to 2007, when I first started friendships with two of my current best friends – Emma and Kim. Kim, Emma and I bonded over Buffy the Vampire Slayer. That shared passion, enthusasm and love was only the catalyst for our friendship. Now we talk and share everything about our lives (down to the nitty gritty girl stuff that I won’t bore you with on this blog). I want Kim to be my maid of honor if I get married, and I want Emma to be one of my bridesmaids – we’re that close. I’ve even said that Emma and I are going to get a house when we’re older, have cats and write. And that would be a perfect life in my eyes. I have Kim and Emma in my heart and carry around thoughts of them wherever I go. Even when I’m shopping I’ll stop and think, “this would be perfect for Emma,” or “Kim and I just talked about this.”

I even factored in Emma into my decisions about finding an apartment because I knew she’d be visiting for a month (after I moved in). And I spent money on a futon, so she’d have a place to sleep. For months my parents and I discussed Emma’s visit and “Emma’s bed” and Emma’s food and Emma’s schedule.

And I hadn’t met Emma in real life yet.

The moment she stepped into the airport I knew she was my Emma (and now I’m being a ridiculous girl and tearing up). We bonded instantly and I fell in a very natural friendship with her.

Emma lives in England, there’s no way we could hang out every day (unless you invent me a transporter, which I’d be very happy for). Yet, Emma’s a closer friend than anyone (outside my family) who lives near me.

I’ve had a rocky life. Not as bad as some people I know, but there have been many bad days. And I’ve had online friends that I’ve had to call and sob with. And just knowing they cared was a hug enough for me. When they said it – I really did feel it. Why? Because of the power of communication. Of words.

I currently work online (as my job) and I do a lot of podcasting and some freelance work – so the computer is on my lap at least 10 hours a day. My friends and co-workers are there with me during the day (in IM, on Skype, etc). Our relationships blossom because they are -right there- when things happen.

What’s the Big Idea?

Have I kept all of my online friends for life? No, but I haven’t kept all my highschool friends or college friends or work friends.

Are they somehow ‘less’ than my other friends? No, not in their meaning and significance to me.

Online Relationships are Inauthentic?

Could there be online relationships that are shams? Yep, I’ve even been subjected to men pretending to be women. Or people pretending to be someone they’re not. The availability of ruining someone’s trust is rampent. Especially if you stick to places like chat rooms, Second Life, World of Warcraft, etc.

Yet, the people that have lied to me in the past are a small percentage and usually are easily found out. Lying is an art form and takes a lot of energy – even if it’s just online.

But this isn’t just an online phenomon.

Consider the amount of people who can have an affair (successfully) for years. Or the amount of con men. Or the people who have faked diplomas, passports, etc. The amount of people who have reinvented themselves or cops who can go undercover and be someone else. Human beings are the same – no matter how you meet them. Part of my job takes me to tech business cocktail parties – sad to say the amount of ‘fake’ people there is astounding.

What’s a relationship anyways?

According to Wikipedia, “An interpersonal relationship is a relatively long-term association between two or more people. This association may be based on emotions like love and liking, regular business interactions, or some other type of social commitment. Interpersonal relationships take place in a great variety of contexts, such as family, friends, marriage, acquaintances, work, clubs, neighborhoods, and churches.”

As you can see what constitutes a releationship is interactions, associations, social commitment. Nothing really about physical location. Is it easier with someone closer to you? Possibly. I’ve had a lot of friends I’ve drifted away from who were on the same floor as me at college. I’ve also moved away from other people (like all my college friends) and kept touch. The key to any relationship is two-way communication that continues. If that dies, then so dies the friendship.

All of these aspects of relationship I have for my friends like WorldofHiglet, Beth in Australia, Heidi, Clay, Brian, Melia, Nutty (even though I can’t pronounce her name), the cast and crew of Buffy Between the Lines, etc. As I’ve grown to know them they’ve shared things about themselves, about their lives, about their fears, their bad days, their good days and everything in between. I count them all as friends. People who care about me, who interact with me, and people who I care about. My close online friends I’ve seen them in a multitide of situations and emotions. There’s something that trescends words on a page when you’re talking to a friend.

The Bottom Line

Is physical connections important? Yes, of course. Especially for someone like me. I crave physical touch and sensation. I’ve found I sleep better with a faux fur blanket because of the sensation stimulus it gives me.

Can someone isolate themselves online? Yes, if you’re neglecting important obligations and personal relationships (i.e. if you’ve made your wife a ‘World of Warcraft Widow’) then something is wrong. But this can also happen in real life (i.e. if your wife is now a ‘golf widow’).

Can people violate your trust online? Yes, of course. But they can do it off-line as well.

If I could I would visit all my friends in person whenever I could. But of course they’re spread out all over the world and that’s impossible. But they’re still as important as the people I see in person, if not more important.

After all, at the end of the day – a friend is a friend. No matter how small.

So the third day of positivity is over, and I had told myself that this was gonna be a hard week, but little did I know how hard.

I haven’t been feeling well physically and emotionally it’s been a rollercoaster for various reasons. But I’m trying!

Of course, I knew this was going to happen. Pray for patience and in one day you’ll be stuck in more long lines than you’ve seen in five years, you’ll be waiting on hold and your water heater will break. Decide to be positve and everything UNpositive will be thrown in your direction.

Do I think the experiment is unsuccessful because of that?

No, because it’s making me think about my attitude when life seems to be full of gray. So I’m gonna keep on being positive and I’m super appreciative of my firends and my cats who seem to know just when I need a little more joy to keep me saying the right thing.

In case you’ve been living in a social media bubble, you probably know that there are individuals and groups out there who are entirely anti-social media.

These people don’t see the point or feel that social media is a waste of their time and energy. According to my philosophy of social media (social media is simply sharing life online) they’re wrong, but then again, I’ve been wrong myself.

So the question is. What do you say to people who downright -hate- social media? Or should you say anything at all?

There’s a lot of negative things in social media.

There’s a lot of negatvity in life.

But does it have to be like that?

Over the past month I’ve noticed as the weather has gotten colder people seem to be grumpier, angrier and downright mean spirited. My twitter feed has gone from casual optimism to downright gloomy and even antigonistic subjects.

In an effort to stem the tide and provide some sunshine I’m conducting the great Positivity Experiment. I’m going to ask you, social media and new media people to remain positive for 7 days. From 11/30 to 12/6 you must only speak, write and publish things that are positive and helpful. Instead of critiquing things you don’t like, why not focus on things you do like? Instead of harping on your significant other, why not praise them?

Along with the positive speak, I’d love for people to blog about their experiences so we can share with each other how the experiment works!

If you’d like to join the Positivity Experiment, leave a comment with your email/blog url (or social space on Twitter, etc).

The whole week I’ll send out a daily email with people’s experiences and stories so we can share, read and comment!

I’ve been a social media junkie since I can remember. Now, social media is normally associated as a ‘new thing’ but it’s been around since the invention of the internet in the form of bulletin, message boards, text based chat rooms where you asked a/s/l? Twitter, Myspace and Facebook have just expanded on those early forms of communication.  But in the end, it’s pretty much the same idea.

I’ve seen in the span of those 10+ years the power of passion.

To steal from Buffy the Vampire Slayer -

“Passion, it lies in all of us, sleeping… waiting… and though unwanted… unbidden… it will stir… open its jaws and howl. It speaks to us… guides us… passion rules us all, and we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love… the clarity of hatred… and the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion maybe we’d know some kind of peace… but we would be hollow… Empty rooms shuttered and dank. Without passion we’d be truly dead.”

Now of course, the main idea of passion is love – romantic love mostly, but passion also sparks in people over a wide and varied amount of topics. The most recent examples? Twitter’s Magpie debate, Motrin’s Babywearing Ads, the USA elections, Prop 8, etc.

Passions are amazing things. They lead to amazing pieces of art, science, dance, music and, as Angelus said in Buffy – they can be the source of our finest moments. The flip side can be they can lead to our worst moments too. Too often has friendship been shattered, relationships lost, and life broken over passion. Consider the extreme case of Adolph Hitler, a man of intense passion.

There’s some easy subjects to get me fired up about. Illegal immigration, religious freedom, treating people as equals, anything involving kids or pets, Joss Whedon, and the list goes on.

What I am saddened by is not that we get passionate, but often in the midst of our passions we forget the basic tennant of social media – social interactions, human beings. We lose sight of the idea that your participation in a social media situation makes you responsible for how you treat your fellow man or woman (or kid or cat, as the case may be).

There are many ideas and decisions that effect our relationships. Moving a distance from your best friend might cause you to lose touch. An aunt selling Mary Kay may cause you to stop calling them because of their incessant pitching. Your sister’s new cat may keep you from visiting over Christmas.

But should it?

Making and breaking of relationships is a fact of life. How many times did someone tell you “you may not be friends with that person forever…” My parents were fond of, “your friends will come and go but family is forever.” And that can be true, but I would hate for something as inconsequential as my aunt’s new business opportunity, my sister’s cat, or a length of distance cause me to miss out on living life with someone that I truly care about.

Focusing on the problem, “oh my Twitter friend can’t shut up about his new fishing rod”, rather than all of the reasons you followed that person in the first place leads to an increasingly selfish model of social media. I believe America’s focus on consumerism has lead us to forget that we’re in it to give as much as we are in to get.

I’ll admit I’m a huge proponent of Gary Vanderchuck’s idea that ‘there is no noise’.  Decluttering your friends list is not something I propose or support personally. I believe anyone who wants to get in contact with you or communicate with you is valuable and adds value to you as a whole person. They contribute to the “stone soup” as I like to call it.

Social Media stone soup is the idea from the fairy tale that everyone on their own had ingredients that, when combined, made a delicious soup. But without contributing there’d be only a stone in a pot of water.

All this said, I’m also a supporter of “make it work”. The philosophy that you need to have social media communication and situations that work for you – so you get the most out of it. If a relationship is not working for you because of your life choices, that’s fine. But consider the person behind the choice – not just a blanket choice for choice sake. And don’t force your views of ‘make it work’ on others.

Passion is a beast. It can be used for good (as I recently saw with the people who jumped up to support Doug Price, a podcaster who lost his home in the recent CA fires) or evil (the amount of broken friendships I saw over the 2008 elections). Just make sure that you’re ruling your beast, not it ruling you.

 How many times in social media have you heard these phrases:

“10 Twitter rules you MUST follow…”

or “Myspace only works if you…”

or “NEVER do this on Facebook…”

When anyone starts issuing ‘rules’ or tossing around the word ‘only’ I start to worry. I’ve seen verbal fist fights online over how to navigate a social site! And, in my opinion, it’s ridiculous.

If you’re a fan of Project Runway you’ll know Tim Gunn’s trademark “Make it work”. The idea is the designer needs to make his or her concept work in the dress no matter what apprehensions Tim has. Bring it all together and make it work. There’s no place on earth that this is more true than on Social Networks. Let’s explain what ‘make it work’ means for you.

Recently there’s been a lot of talk on Twitter about how people follow/unfollow other users. Now, I follow anyone who follows me. Unless you’re someone awesome like Wil Wheton, I only follow people who follow me. I use the service Qwitter to alert me when someone unfollows and I immediately unfollow them back.

Why? Because for me Twitter is about mutal conversation. I’m a dipper into the Twitter stream. I don’t read everything that everyone posts, but I do engage my list (@’s mostly) and join in discussions (#).

That’s how I make Twitter work for me. My friend @PodcastJunky does it slightly differently. She perfers someone to @ her when they add her – that way she only adds people who are her friends or are ‘real’ people.

Still another friend only adds people he 100% knows.

Whose right? We all are, because we made Twitter work for us. We are all different people, we have different priorties and we interact with people differently.  Now, where the conflict comes is when my ‘make it work’ clashes with your ‘make it work’. But that should -never- cause the tpe of petty bickering I’ve seen online. If you’re one of those people who expect me to follow you just because you’re awesome, you’ll have to understand that’s not my ‘make it work’ – and if I think you’re awesome and you don’t follow me back, I have to understand that’s not how your ‘make it work’ works.

In the end social media is real life online. It’s about relationships, friendships, and all the other enjoyable thing that makes sharing our stories together enjoyable. If we over bicker or push rules and standards on people, we wind up focusing on all the things that drive us apart, instead of the things that bring us together.

JANE DOE, INC. BENEFIT HOSTED BY ‘Social Media for Social Change’

Harnessing the Power of Web 2.0, ‘Social Media for Social Change’ (SM4SC) Hosts Event to Support Victims of Domestic Violence

WHAT:

Social Media has changed the world, Now it can help change real lives, SM4SC Charity Evening Event Supports Jane Doe Charity with sponsors ranging from Empressr.com to DELL SMALL BUSINESS.

WHEN:

7:00 p.m. – 10:00 p.m. EST

Friday, October 10th

WHERE:

Harvard Club
Massachusetts Room

374 Commonwealth Ave

Boston, MA 02215

SM4SC has garnered support from hundreds of Web 2.0-savvy individuals and corporations across the United States to raise funds for Jane Doe, Inc. SM4SC differs from other fundraising organizations by tapping into the social media world to get the word out through blogging, Digging, Tweeting on Twitter and other online tools. By harnessing these powerful applications, SM4SC feels it can make a major difference for important charity organizations.

To learn more about SM4SC, visit www.sm4sc.com

To RSVP Please Contact: Jessica Hasson, 323-710-3556, jessica[at]terpin.com

Okay, lemme sum it up. For those of you who don’t know several podcast novelists have, in the past, had a “rush Amazon day”. These are not unique to podcast novelists (I’ve seen many for smaller indie bands and books) – but they are a marketing strategy to sell books and give author’s clout (”I made it to the #1 best selling book in Sci-Fi).

So why are we talking about it? Well it all started when…

Chris Miller said that the Amazon Rush would no longer be as effective as it had been.

Indiana Jim said it wasn’t dead, but it isn’t what a lot of people thought it was.

Then Indiana Jim said this: What We’ve Learned – Why the World Needs the Amazon Rush

Let’s be clear my ownself. I’m a fan of Scott Sigler, JC Hutchins, Mur Lafferty, Seth Harwood, your mom and almost every other podcast novelist out there. I just haven’t listened to all of them yet.

Did I buy Ancestor when it had it’s Amazon Rush day? Yes. I bought two.

Did I buy Infected? Yes. I bought — what five? I think.

Did I buy Jack Palms? Yes. I bought two.

Did I buy Playing for Keeps? Not yet, but I blame my bank account, not my enthusiasm for Mur.

Am I tired of Amazon Rush Days? Yes. Especially when they occur before pay day! (Just a small note to people out there, most of us get paid at the first and 15th or the 15th and 30th – having it on the 14th or 29th is probably not wise).

Why? Because I want something new from my podcasters – who are some of the smartest, brightest, most intelligent people I know of.

Now, does that mean I’m down on Amazon Rush Days? No, I think they’re worthwhile and I think anything where you can engage your listeners/readers is awesome. I love when podcasters ask me (the listener) to do something to help them out. But Amazon Rush Days should not be the only time you do this!

If you are thinking of an Amazon Rush day there are some big things you need to think about.

1. How are you going to communicate with your fans? One of my favorite rush days was Seth Harwood’s rush on Palm Sunday. Why? Because of his very excited twitters during the experience. Now, not all of your fans are going to be on Twitter – so idealy you’ll find several different ways to communciate with the throughout the day to show your involvement, appreciation and love.

2. How are you going to market the day? Marketing is huge. Even if you watch a couple episodes of Tabatha’s Salon you’ll know this. Rely on your fanbase even before you start the Amazon push. Get the word out, get it out well and remember some of your fans are way behind on your episodes – so find a way to let them know as well.

3. How are you going to be different? This is a big one for fans, like me, who have been involved in multiple podcast novelists runs on Amazon.  One idea that I’m stealing from Brian Mattox is maybe everyone who buys on Amazon day gets their name and a link on your website? Or mention in your next novel? Or you donate a portion of your proceeds to some great cause (related to your story). Give us another angle to get excited about.

4. Be Honest. Be honest with your fans about -why- you want an Amazon rush day. If you’re going to leverage it with your agent or potential publishers – then say that! If you’re trying to help your small print publisher and yourself out – then say that! If you’re going to use it to prove to your mom that you’re a legitimate author – then say that too! Don’t try to be grandiose and self-sacrficing “we’re doing this for all podcasters out there” unless you truley are. Your fans will love you for it and be even more devoted. After all, we started out with your first episode (shudder) and we’re still fans.

In short, do what you’re good at – be creative. Don’t dismiss the importance of an Amazon Rush Day or embrace Amazon Rush days as an end all/be all.

In the words of Buffy, when you do an Amazon Rush Day – give me something to sing about.

Yesterday, there was an interesting conversation that took place on Twitter. While I’m still waiting to hear the full story (Twitter is still rather limited in understanding scope, depth and breadth of conversations), I figured it had inspired me enough to write about my recent experiences with knowing and being a micro-celebrity*.

First, what’s a micro-celebrity?

First there are world-renown celebrities. People, characters and companies who are recognizable in any country they visit. McDonalds, Mickey Mouse, Michael Jordon are probably some of the top names in this category.

Then there are A-list celebrities. These are people who are famous in their area of the world – multiple countries, but maybe not the entire world. B- and C- lists are shortly after. People who are well-known, but not walking every red carpet that ever occurs. In my mind, these are the people who have TV, radio and/or newspaper interviews done about their life, their accomplishments, etc.

Then, there are mini-celebrities – the people who are somewhat famous. Enough to draw a bit of a crowd when they appear and/or speak somewhere. These are the famous bloggers of the world, the web series stars, some reality TV show people, top podcasters. They’re people that a large group of people know, but not the man on the street (unless the man on the street belongs to that group). You can also add some TV writers in this group – because while they may be famous – most people don’t know their names and wouldn’t beg for their autograph when they sit down to eat at a resturant.

Then, there’s micro-celebrities, which I’ve labeled myself as. People are who are well known to a small group of people, but aren’t famous enough to draw a huge crowd. I think the test of moving to mini-celebrity is when someone asks for your autograph.

Now, micro-celebrities (and mini- for that matter) hang on to their celebrity status by one thing – and one thing only: their fans. You make or break your success by your relationship to and your attitude around your fans. In this stage having a strong fan base can propell you quickly out of the micro-/mini-stage and on the A-list. This group of core fans will go out of their way to buy your book/CD/art/whatever, tell their friends about you, convince others to listen to your podcast/music/poetry reading/whatever. They are your street team, your PR team, your pit crew. These early adopters are really the only way you (with your budget of nothing carry the 0) can succeed.

It’s very easy therefore, for micro-/mini- celebrities to get cocky once they start tasting success. Why wouldn’t you? Most “normal” people don’t have more than 10 people listening to their ideas all of the sudden you Mr./Ms. Micro-Celebrity have 5,000 – 30,000. You can start to get overwhelmed by your fans. Maybe spend less time interacting with them, close down some of the open communication you had at the beginning and start focusing on your “true passion” (whatever it is their consuming that makes you famous – your blog, your writing, your books, your podcast, etc).

Which, again, is fine. Your loyal listeners will still love you and understand, because they want more of the content you produce.

But then, something else can happen. Something that has turned me off to a lot of former mini/micro celebs I loved. Your ego gets too big for your status. Somewhere along the line you have decided you’re the expert. And the tone of your conversation moves from thankful to god-like. No longer do you treasure the comments you get from fans, or display them prominently, or even take the time to answer them. You’re too busy, too involved, too (insert answer here). Fans begin to notice, but being the loyal people they are, they don’t say much. But they don’t have the same enthusiasm that they once did for your work and drift away. They no longer feel like “a part” of your creation process.

Do you lose them entirely? No, not really. They’ll still stay subscribed, still listen, still pick up the things you’re selling, but you’ve lost the street team mentality. If you start asking things of them, they might actually start resenting you.

Then you commit the unpardonable sin – you treat fans like they’re dumb, less than you, or just worthless. This sin will probably only lose you a couple fans, but if repeated soon enough you’ll lose your comitted core. Of course, you can always gain more fans. New people will find your work on their own, or through your PR campaigns or through other new fans, but some of your original supporters are probably whispering behind the scenes about your attitude and ego.

Now, are your fans always right? No, and you shouldn’t feel like you have to bow to every demand they make of you. In one of my favorite Strong Bad emails, Strong Bad rants about how every email he gets now is someone demanding he do something. Please be honest with your fans if you can’t do something – but be nice about it. There’s enough shock-jocks in the world, I personally don’t need any more.

Are fans always preceiving you correctly? No, there’s plenty of great micro-celebs that I know that have personas when they’re talking. I made a joke at my father’s 50th birthday that I am smart, well-read, sacracstic and if people didn’t already think I was egotisitcal enough – I owned a MAC. I can say things often that SOUND extremely egotistical, self-centered and hurtful to other people – but I don’t really mean it. One person was very offended that I am nicknamed ‘the Joss’ of Buffy Between the Lines, when in reality I don’t equate myself with Joss Whedon at all – it’s just a joke to explain to people what my role is.

People can also feel extremely loyal to mini/micro celebrities [and actually celebrities in general] that they have bonded with or spent face-to-face time with. So loyal in fact, that they will start to tear down other celebrities in the same small arena to make their ‘buddy’ celeb look better. Case in point is the on-going [and in my opinion] stupid fight over who is better – Angel or Spike (from Buffy the Vampire Slayer). Clearly there’s no real ‘better’ – just preferences. I personally love Angel, my good friend and co-producer Kim loves Spike. Do we argue over who is better? No, unless we’re joking. Do I need to rip Spike down to make Angel look better? No, Kim’s just stupid (just kidding).

But mini-/micro- celebs need to realize that they can create this feeling of exclusivity in their fans to a point where it becomes unhealthy. Case in point is the huge fued between Moby fans and Eminem fans. These people were beating each other up because of music? Uncalled for, immature and dumb.

Also, fans need to realize that one incident does not a person make. One harsh word or post can easily be someone having a bad day rather than your favorite celeb turning evil.

So, what’s this all mean? Cliche but true, don’t step on the little people on your way to the top. Walk the fine line between being true to yourself and true to your fans. Also remember that you’ve pushed yourself into the limelight. While most of the time it’s a good thing – you’ve also opened yourself up to criticsm, scrutiny and obessive/weird fans, some of whom will never be satisfied.

For fans, remember that close proximity to a mini-/micro- celebrity doesn’t make you more special. You’re special to begin with because you’ve helped make that mini-/micro- celebrity what they are. Also, remember to give your mini-/micro-celebs a break sometimes and cut them some slack. After all, most of us also have a day job, family and real life – we can’t perform at 100% ALL the time (except if you’re PG Holyfield, ‘cuz he’s just evil).

(*Micro-celebrity, or as  @0zymandias calls me a “Shuffle Celebrity“)

I’ve been talking to a lot of people about their definition of friendship. I’ve found out “friend” is a term that is either used very loosely or very strictly.

For me friendship means we’ve bonded over something, we’ve shared something and we are currently “friendly.”

I apparently have a very loose definition of ‘friend’.

Perhaps it’s my nature, but I am very friendly with most people I talk to. Then there’s the small percentage of people out there that I instantly dislike, but they’re a very small percent. Or perhaps it’s my father’s influence. My dad carries on a lot of very low-maintenance friendship. Mostly because both sides of the friendship are extremely busy people, but when they get together it’s like coming home to a pot roast and mashed potatoes.

Or perhaps it’s my experiences.

For a long time I was a very active member of an online community around a C-list celebrity but amazing musician. I worked hard in the community to promote it and keep the peace during the many, many drama breakouts that happened. The musician noticed me and we shared a couple short private messages and enjoyed a sporadic interaction.

Then came a big event in Nashville (at the time I was in Chicago), so I decided to fly there and fly back the same day just to see the musician in concert. It was a pretty intimate setting (only about 30 or 40 people max) so we got to talk and have him sign autographs.

After that we, once again, enjoyed sporadic interactions.

A couple years later, he was going to play in Indiana, so I hopped on a train and went out to see him. I was standing waiting for a couple other fans who were absolutely gah-gah over his previous work with a larger, more popular group. The group split up and now all three members were doing solo careers and I, personally, enjoyed this particular musician’s work better.

But these fans? Still gah-gah. So we got to talking, semi-friendly, and I mentioned that I knew the musician. They gave me an eyeroll.

Then the guitarist for said musician showed up and gave me a big hug. So they only half eyerolled.

Then said musician strolled in. He saw me and said “Hey Tabz!” Then he proceeded to give me two copies of his new CD.

Lets just say the fans who had been eyerolling stopped.

Is said musician a friend in the sense that I have his cell number and can call him? No.

Is he someone I communicate with often? No. I actually haven’t talked to him in almost a year.

Is he a friend? I consider him one, but then – I’m a bit crazy.

Same with my social media friends. I may not know you intimately, we may not talk every day, but you’re a part of a circle of people I consider friends. Why? Because you share in my life. You read my blog, you reply to some of my twitters, you engage me on a level much more intimate and relational than if this was a book you picked up at Barnes and Noble and were just reading. You make me think and we can talk.

That’s a friend to me. What’s “friend” mean to you?